I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
