So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
