my vag is so smooth its legendary
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
