i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
