i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
