This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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