I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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