so explain again why im purple
no
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
