What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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