so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
