it wasn't lemon gatorade
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
