I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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