I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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