I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We need to get me chipped asap
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize