i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
