Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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