hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
