Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm like, not good at living.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
