Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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