Barsexuality is the new black.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
