GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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