the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
