Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
