Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
