My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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