whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
