watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
