I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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