i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
