it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
