Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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