Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
