We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
