I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
