Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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