omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
