Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
