I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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