I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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