she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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