What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
