At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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