Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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