I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize