Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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