Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
