Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
