I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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