Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize