The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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