she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize