I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
