i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
