It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
