GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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