Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
