The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize