its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
