were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
