And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
