i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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