You smell like a Billy Joel song
The best revenge is premature balding
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
