Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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