Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
