"it" just moved
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
