At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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