Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
