i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Yo dont text me then not text me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize